New Beginnings

After 7 grueling, emotional, overwhelming and draining days of moving and cleaning my old place...I am nearly done.

I have tons to unpack, but me, my 2 American Eskimos and one Peach Faced Love bird are here with dad.

And about 80 boxes, assorted bags, and 2 cars still filled with crap.

It has been beyond overwhelming for me.

In moving out, I came across pictures and artifacts from a life gone by. Wedding proof pictures. My kids when little. Their school artwork from grade school (15 years ago). The glasses from our wedding dinner. Photos of me and my kids with my mom and dad when mom was still alive.

I tossed so many things in the garbage it was almost criminal.

This is what it's like when you aren't moving because you're moving up.

It's what it's like when you're being uprooted and tossed like you're in the path of a tornado.

For 10 years now my life has been a full blown gale.

I'm now in with my father. We share meals. We talk. We share. We argue a little.

My dogs are happy here.

There are boxes everywhere.

Once again pieces of my life and all my belongings...are God only knows where and in what box?

I live as if blown about on the wind. It's been like this for so long I almost no longer care what makes it with me...

So long as I have...

My dad.

My dogs.

My children.

My cameras.

My passion.

My indomitable spirit.

If there is one lesson that has been drilled home with me it is how to lose.

So many things again ended up in a dumpster. Or in someone else's hands.

Each time, I lose more and more and watch it all whittle down and slowly disappear.

But I have all I need.

My new beginning is one where I have had to come full circle and lose everything in life and learn to take one hellish loss after another, and keep going on.

Tonight I sat in my old apartment. It is all but empty.

I left one thing up.

There is a white board that used to have instructions for my daughter on taking care of the dog, where the mailbox key is, and other reminders.

There is one phrase left there, on the top of the board.

In this dirty, dusty, and messy empty apartment that used to be my home for the last 3 years or more, hangs a board with 3 words.

Don't. Ever. Quit.

I haven't. And I won't.

Ever.

Back living with dad.

Well, for the most part I am moved in with my dad.

Yes, it's traumatic and exhausting. For both of us.

My dogs are here with me...and they love the place. They are already at home, and by my side in the bedroom chewing on rawhide treats as I write this.

I'm on my laptop for the moment. The rest of my supercomputing cluster will be operational in a day or two. I have closed the heating vents in anticipation, as the heat from the computers alone will keep the room plenty toasty.

It's another transition in my life. And for my dad.

He's been alone for a year since my mom died.

I've been living alone almost as long. (my daughter moved out a year ago).

The move was grueling. The mess at the old place is unbelievable, and I have a week's worth of work in getting remaining things out to here or to storage, and having some help cleaning it.

It was never a permanent home (my townhouse), but it was mine.

There will be things about it I miss.

But already, after a little over a day with my dad, I already know this was the right thing to do.

He's been eating frozen dinners every night.

Tonight, I made him a delicious fresh gourmet meal (I am an accomplished cook).

We worked together today clearing more things out of the townhouse. We talked. We shared. We sat down to meals together.

The dogs came to him and he enjoyed petting them and spending time. He's happy.

I'm happy.

I'm back in the same room I was in about 4 years ago when my ex-wife filed a restraining order to get me out of the house (in order to continue her affair with our neighbor and have me gone). I spent a year here back then.

It feels strange to be here again. But with my mom now gone a year, and things being what they are...it feels good.

I like having my dad here. He likes having me here.

We can share again. We can talk. We can be together, and we can be apart so as not to get on each other's nerves. (I have the upstairs loft).

Still, I wish the TV wasn't on as much as he has it.

There will be things that get on each others nerves.

But as a whole, this is all good.

I'm glad I'm here.

He won't be here forever. So, now... I want to spend that time with him.

I'm going to now be able to concentrate on the book, and getting things rolling once again.

There's no place like home.

And that place, is where the people you love,

Live.