Living is dying.

Living is dying.

When we are young we see endless opportunity, we dream of being special. We are going to be astronauts, or scientists, or maybe even president.

Maybe by junior high or sooner we start to see that fall apart.

We see kids treating others with cruelty.

We see people who are badly handicapped.

As we age, we get to see those we love, die.

We get to learn words like "cancer", "heart disease" or "Auto accident".

And then they are gone.

We get to learn about corruption and crime, about violence and prejudice, about poverty and horrible illnesses.

Life is not this wonderous journey filled with flowers and butterflies.

It is a journey of learning to live with crushing pain. Loss. Betrayal. Death.

We only get to enjoy those butterflies and flowers by knowing the pain.

We can't really appreciate them without it.

Life is a scale we teter on. On one side is the beauty, the hugs, the laughs, the loves.

On the other side is the ache, the pain, the loss, the tears, the broken heart.

And that is the glory of being human.

We know we are here but for a short time. We are blessed with the ability to feel and empathize and hurt, and to help those we love.

We know we will die someday.

That the journey is going to hurt. A lot.

And maybe through that pain, we can find and appreciate that which we otherwise would take for granted.

You only get one shot at a sunrise. You best watch the next one. Because the day after that? You may not be here to see another.

I've lost friends, loved ones, and my own mother. I've seen them all pass on. I've watched them die. I've lost a lot, but others have lost even more.

Tomorrow, I will find a bird, or a flower, or a plant, or a gorgeous sunrise, and I will take it all in.

Life is about pain and suffering.

And that is the price we pay for joy.

Trial by fire.

Well, all of my money is gone.

No more unemployment.

No job.

Because I have an alcohol addiction, in a few days I will get to go through withdrawl. This will be the second time. The first was in October, when I nearly froze to death at the cabin.

I should have learned then. I made it 25 days. Then I drank again.

I also smoke. Because of 35 years of doing that, I now have COPD. I can't imagine having to go cold turkey on both alcohol and cigarettes at the same time, but that is what I am facing.

In all these years. The last six at least....

Nobody came to my aid.

My ex who divorced me....

My former coworkers...

Nobody.

They all let me fucking rot and die here.

With all the talent, experience and ability I have, nobody stood up for me. Not one person went the extra mile to help.

So, when I lost my last job, 2 years ago, I moved back in with my father.

All of my shit still lies in boxes here. A life totally destroyed. On hold. No place to go. No home.
No job. No money. Nothing left at all.

And still, I get calls from my ex and kids..."Can you help..."

No, I can't help.

See, the last few years, I needed your help. I needed REAL help.

I needed people who would reach out to me, help me, maybe cook me a dinner, or help me find work.

When all was said and done.

I was alone.

I gave my entire life to a marriage and to raise children.

I worked for 30 years.

Drove over 1 million miles commuting.

Risked my life.

Gave all I had.

And when it counted...

I was left here to rot and die.

I would have given anything for my family. I would have sacrificed anything at all.

But when it came down to me.

They let me go.

So.

I am gone.

I am leaving you all behind.

I am moving on to a new life. I will do as I please.

But you?

You are on your own.

This is my goodbye. No, I am not dying. I am moving on.

This is life number 2.

And it starts today.

Life's Hardest Moments.

Someone posted the most amazing moments in life. In response,
I would like to post the hardest moments in life.

Finding out your mother has died.
Having you children sexually abused by their grandparents.
Having your daughter raped and assaulted by a boyfriend.
Watching your father go through open heart surgery.
Watching your friends die from cancer and disease.
Losing a career that spanned 30 years.
Going bankrupt.
Being cheated on, betrayed, lied to and tossed into the street by
the woman who swore to love you forever.
Being backstabbed by coworkers.
Losing your home and the place you built for your family.
Losing all of your worldly possessions, and every dime you ever had.
Having shotguns pointed at your head for "your own safety".
Being dragged from your own home by police.
Having friends abandon you when you needed them most.
Being told you are worthless, and who would ever want you?

All of these. Are my life.

But here I stand. I have hope for a bright future with a wonderful woman who I adore. I have yet to meet her.

But she held my hand through the worst of it. Always there for me.

That is what it takes. To overcome hell.

Love.