How did I get here?

This morning got me thinking. A lot.

I am moving on and my life keeps changing. For those of you who have followed this blog, or know anything about the last few years of my life....

You know that change and overcoming big obstacles has been the story for me.

Just 4 short years ago, I was married, had a beautiful home of my own, and a long career.

So much has happened. So very much. So much so that it sometimes overwhelms me if I think too long about it.

What struck me today was how different I am. How I never saw myself here.

About 2 weeks ago I got notice that one of my photos was an honorable mention (complete with prizes to be awarded to me), in a national contest. The "Share The Experience" contest for the National Parks and Wildlife Refuges of the United States. It's quite an honor. One of 15 winners, out of many thousands submitted, from all over the country.

Yesterday I came home to an e-mail from a prestigious magazine and organization that I belong to. Ducks Unlimited. They are the leading organization for the conservation of wetlands for support of waterfowl, in the world. They are HUGE.

I submitted 3 photos (the maximum allowed) to their magazine photo contest.

I am a winner. One of my shots was selected, and will be in the edition that highlights the winners of the contest.

I am absolutely thrilled by it.

I also discussed the possibility of being a regular contributor to the magazine with the photo editor. It's looking possible.

So, my dreams of doing nature and wildlife photography as a career are starting to look more possible. I am very encouraged.

But as I move forward, my heart aches a bit.

I wish I had someone to share this with. Someone to love.

I feel that loss very powerfully now.

I have not been successful in love in my almost 52 years on this planet.

I am not relenting in my pursuit of my future.

But after all I have experienced (and lost), I see me taking this trip alone.

I won't stop. I love what I do. I will do all I can to make it.

But I can't help feeling that it will be a life where I do what I love, as a completely solo pursuit and existence.

So while the forces that drove me to pursue the birds and my photography with a passion are paying off, or appear to be on the verge...

It is a stark signpost for me that the future lies ahead, by myself.

In a couple of years, I plan on living in NY State in Catskills, in a home I build on the property we have there, on a gorgeous little lake.

I will have my cameras, my dogs, and my home, finally.

And I will learn to love a life of solitude.