My Birthday

Was today.

53 years old.

Today, I got to see the dreams I once had in the form of another family. What I could have had. What I always wanted. A gorgeous yard filled with plants and gardens and bird feeders. Nature. Beauty. A beautiful loving family, with incredible children. All living that life I so wanted. In every way. It was like looking at the parallel universe. The one where I got to have all I wanted from life, instead of losing everything I had.

I almost lost it there. I almost just broke down. At one point, when their teenage son was showing me around with his back to me, the tears started coming. Took all I had to not go there.

I saw all that I had ever dreamed of. Love, affection, family, harmony. The love of nature, and the birds.

That same family treated me with love and incredible generosity. Just fantastic people, with big hearts. They are all cherished friends.

It was an incredibly emotional day.

Dozens upon dozens of birthday wishes came in from friends on Facebook. Many kind words, hugs, and I love you's.

I spent the afternoon at the refuge, with my cameras. It was a tough day there. Lots of ignorant, stupid and arrogant people. Stressing the birds. (and me). They don't belong there. It's a refuge. Not a playground. That is why the government should not be in the business of managing them. They believe they have to be public recreation lands.

So cyclists, joggers, and complete assholes who could not care less about the wildlife there, use the drive and the trails as their "park".

All in all...it was the generosity of my friends who saved the day for me.

I have one hell of a hard road ahead. They made it just a little easier.

And for that I am grateful.

My birthday has been a source of pain for a number of years now. Associated with the worst betrayal and duplicity I have ever experienced.

While I saw today all that could have been, and it nearly broke me.

It also gave me hope.