How to say this.....

I really don't know.

Today, I drove to Newark, NJ for an interview, for a contract job that might be my ticket out of hell. I did really well. The feedback was very positive. I may have this gig. I will know very soon.

At the same time, I get a message from my daughter that her mother has freaked out. Went into a full blown manic episode. And that my daughter is moving in with a friend for while to get away.

Then, almost immediately, I get a call from my ex. Tear filled and sobbing, she says how sorry she is for what she did to me. How she cannot get over that she was so cruel, so mean.

I try with all I have to chart a new life. And I watch as my children and my ex suffer. And they ache. And they reach out to me, as if I can somehow make it all better.

And I can't.

I have to take care of me. For without that, I cannot be anything to anyone.

It seems to happen like this a lot. I am in the battle of my life, trying to get ahead. Trying to find a way out.

And at that very moment, when I need to be at the top of my game, I am thrown these other challenges. People need me. People want me. People so desperately want my help. My understanding.

And I listen. And I counsel them.

But I make it very plain.

I cannot rescue you.

I cannot save you.

You are the product of the decisions you have made.

And so am I.

But I am trying to reclaim my life.

And that comes before you.

Because you are responsible for your own life.

And although I care. And though you have my love.

You do not have my life.

That is mine.

And mine alone.