Being a friend. And learning how to say no.

This is a hard one for me, but it's becoming increasingly necessary for me to do.

I have many friends, mostly online, and they are good people. And, I keep meeting more people and gaining contacts as I work on my photography, or organize my meetup.com groups. (I now run 2 of them).

And what inevitably happens is that friends come to me asking for help with something. Or advice. Or just wanting to talk.

And sometimes now, increasingly, I have to say "No, I'm sorry. I can't help you right now" or "I can't talk with you right now".

That's because I have to try to do my work, and try to get a business going with my writing and photography. Not to mention the other pressing issues I face from time to time.

It's not easy to do, because as a friend and just in general, I do like to help people.

But what happens when you are someone that people like to go to for counsel, advice, or just a shoulder to lean on is that it eventually reaches critical mass.

I cannot help everyone, all the time.

And this happens because none of the people coming to me for this and that are aware of the good number other people wanting the same thing. Often at the same time. And the more you are a good friend, or helpful, the more people tend to go to you.

So, it becomes a cycle where you end up being the person overwhelmed with people wanting something from you. And as much as I want to help (in most cases), I have had to learn how to say "No" a hell of a lot more now.

Because if I don't, I can't get anything done at all. And I have to.

I am surprised that a lot of people just don't realize this, too.

I have a couple of friends who act surprised when I tell them that I can't do what they want. Or help. Or talk. I would like to believe that people are aware of the fact that I only have so many hours in a day. And now that things are indeed ramping-up for me, I don't have the time to indulge everyone.

What galls me to no end is the following. At the risk of pissing some people off.

Most if not all of my friends know that I have no job. That I pay a huge alimony which takes most of my unemployment check. That I live now with my 78 year old father. That we are bleeding money. That I am poor, and have no means. That I am working like fucking HELL to get out of this.

And then they come to me, and want a photograph from me for their father/brother/sister/husband/wife....

And want to know if I can do it for 25 dollars.

Here is the answer.

Fuck NO. I can't.

If I were sitting pretty, making a nice income and doing well, I could indulge my friends and do them "favors" by getting them a cheap deal on my work.

And I don't LIKE charging friends full fare for my work.

And then it fucking hits me.

They wouldn't go into a gallery or a store and look at a 200 dollar framed print, and ask the owner if they could have it for 25 bucks.

But they WILL ask me. Because I am a friend. And they figure, what the heck, he's a friend and he'll get it for me cheap, because I'm his friend.

Well, that doesn't help me eat.

And what bothers me is that while these people KNOW that I fucking starving here, they still want the "deal".

So, here's how it is.

If you would like to purchase my prints, pay full price. Happy to deal with you.

And here are the prices:

8.5x11 Print only. (No mat or frame) - $65.00 plus shipping.
11x14 Print only. (No mat or frame) - $75.00 plus shipping.
11x14 Framed and Matted (Black 1 inch, white rag mat, 16x20 frame) - $175.00 plus shipping
24x36 Canvas - Select prints only (see website). - $450.00 plus shipping.

If you want help with your computer? $65.00 per hour plus parts.

Why?

Because I can't afford to give charity anymore. I have to take care of myself. If I don't, I won't make it.

So, I say NO a lot now.

And that's a shame.

People sometimes knowingly and sometimes just through sheer ignorance don't realize that they are taking advantage of friendship. And I wish they would wake up.

If you want to "help me" in my pursuits, than dig into your wallet and pay me what you would pay anyone else you DON'T know for the product.

Otherwise, please stop asking.

I don't have any more blood to give. Gotta plug the leaks.