The Refuge and I

More than ever now, it is my place for filling up my heart, and refreshing my soul.

The stresses of life are bearing down, and the time is running ever shorter.

I am working hard on not only this book, but on many other avenues that have opened up for me. A wonderful Gallery and Store in Brick, NJ (Point B Gallery) is featuring me as a visiting artist for the summer. Complete with a product line of canvases and fine prints, greeting cards, and maybe one or two other things.

While it is wonderful, it's not something that will produce a livable income.

And therein lies the urgency, and the issue.

Without money, and a good deal of it, nobody can survive in this world today.

I used to be that man. Making a nice six-figure salary. Of course, I mostly hated the jobs and the work. But it provided.

And now of course, at 52 years old and without a degree, and 100 job applications later, the phone never rings.

So, I head to the refuge. And nobody understands how vital that is for me.

It became the last hope I had when the days were darkest. I'd leave work and drive the almost 90 miles to get there by 6PM so I could shoot for the rest of the gorgeous evening light in summer. After working 9 hours and the 2 hour commute in the morning.

When I got there, the fatigue melted away, and my spirit was lifted. After I wiped away the tears, I put the camera to my eye, and started absorbing all the incredible things I would see.

When you have nothing left to lose, you go where nobody cares if you have anything to give. And that is the refuge. My refuge. My home.

I now know that place better than the people who manage it. Better than the Biologist who work there. Because I have had the time, and taken the keen interest in observing all there is.

Over 200 days now in the last 18 months alone, it has been my world. And over 200,000 photographs later, I have seen more than most will in a lifetime. And there is so much more to see.

I can find the Night Herons in Night Heron Corner, as I like to call it. And know the "Peregrine Trees". And where the Great Blue Herons catch the really big fish. Where the Snipe hide out. Where the fox dens are. Where the 4th Thistle plant is on the right after you make the turn onto the East Dike, because it has tons of buds and will be great for Goldfinches in August. Where Skimmer Alley is, and what times to get down there to watch these amazing birds skim the glassy water for fish.

And the "Tern Gate". That's where the Forsters Terns love to fish. More than any other water control gate in the refuge.

I know where the Wood Ducks live, and when the best time to look for Red Tailed Hawks is, and where.

And Eagle Alley. The directions they are most likely to come from and what time of day. What time of year.

Where the Osprey go to do a lot of their fishing in the afternoons, usually after 3PM.

I am part of that place, and I know it intimately.

And it is part of me.

So much keeps happening in my life. Some very good. Some very bad.

While I pursue my dreams, and have friends encourage me. I have family deride me.

Those who I have never met cheer me on and believe in me.

Those who I grew up with declare that I am nothing more than a drain on my father, and a foolish man pursuing something that can never succeed.

And I have the refuge.

Where I will go tomorrow morning for the break of dawn.

With more wonderful things to see. More amazing photographs just waiting for the right moment, and a steady hand and good reflexes.

If I have nothing left in this world, I will spend my last 20 dollars for the gasoline to drive my truck there and spend the day there.

And few people understand how someone could feel that way.

But if you've lived in hell, you know what heaven looks like.