There are mutants among us.

These words are from my daughter. I will present them here without editing, for your consideration.

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i know that none of the people that have hurt me will ever see this letter, but i needed to write it for my own peace of mind. lately, i've noticed a lot of mentioning of ben, people ("friends" on my friends list) updating their profile pictures to ones being at ben's house, adding ben's friends, ben telling others i'm manipulative and crazy so i will lose more friends.. that i am "just a silly girl".

after being raped and assaulted by him, i was virtually deserted.
it was very much like the Scarlet Letter, like i had a disgusting black scar all over my face and no one wanted anything to do with me.
everyone thought because of my mental illness, i was exaggerating what happened.
that because i had previously admitted suicidal thoughts and i attempted to hurt myself during the encounter, that i'm unstable and it negates his actions.
that because i had no scars, burn marks, or choke marks, that it wasn't that bad and i shouldn't have pressed charges.

i have been ostracized, ignored, and deserted over taking him to court and charging him with domestic violence.

as soon as that happened, it was like i had some kind of horrible tumor growing on my face. women that knew ben wanted nothing to do with me. old friends politely respond to me, but otherwise completely disregard my offers to hang out. i am basically treated like a trouble-maker, like the person that dared to stand up for herself, against such a seemingly "innocent" person.

let me say this now: just because ben appears to be nice, passive, and congenial, doesn't mean that he is that way behind closed doors.

this person with the nice disposition is the same person that used to call me a slut and splash rum all over my face and clothes,.
this person was the same person that pretended to stab me with a knife, break glass in my house and splash vodka in my eyes, and forced himself on me when i was in a dazed, mentally immobile state.
this same person held my cheeks together and said he'd like to rip out my teeth with a pair of pliers.
this same person screamed at me AFTER i was shaking and crying, because he didn't understand why i wouldn't respond to him after him putting his hands around my throat.


after the event, i was told by allison "it would be better to keep this quiet".
ben's reputation must be salvaged.
and she's right: it was. to most, i'm the girl that got him convicted and was granted a permanent restraining order even though i was not visibly injured or seemed psychologically scarred.
the truth is the damage i caused him is nothing in comparison to what he did to me.

and i spent months dealing with derision from others for making the decision to defend myself against a mentally unstable person.
i am the one who gets punished for letting others know that ben is a rapist and an abuser.
and his friends, push it under the rug, and say because i had a history of abuse in my life, and that i have a history of depression and manic depression, that i somehow asked for it. that it was just a one-time thing. that i drove ben to it.

and i will never forgive any of you for abandoning me and "shushing" me when i needed you the most.
do you know why none of you got angry with me? because you realized that what he did was fucked up, but you'd rather i hide it, not say anything, and not press charges because it was cause too much commotion.

fuck everyone that has isolated me and treated me this way.
you weren't there.
and i will be a stronger person from this.
and on every opportunity i will make sure to let people know what happened when the topic of domestic violence comes up.
because i don't care about ben's name or how i'm the crazy one, i refuse to keep this quiet.

Ben Bishop raped and physically assaulted me on July 17, 2010