The Truth.

Here is the unvarnished truth about my years on SI. (Survivinginfidelity.com).

No holds barred. No punches pulled. This is what I did. And what I did not do.

I want to put this to rest for once and for all. And let the chips fall where they may. I have watched as the owners and mods of that site have gone on a smear campaign in order to rally support behind them, and to approve of my banning.

But more than that, they are so angry that they want to completely discredit me.

Here is the truth.

In 2005, shortly after joining the site, and during my ex-wife's second affair, I became involved with a member on the site. Not 2 months into my membership there. Angry, hurt, betrayed for a second time, I decided on having a revenge affair against my wife, and with this member. I own that. My decision. My plans, with this member. Yes, I did it. Not proud of it. But there you have it.

When I returned from the visit to this woman, which I did on a business trip to her hometown, I hated what I had done. I immediately ended things with her.

And she went nuts.

She stalked me and my kids, my friends and anyone she could find, for over 3.5 years. I received death threats. I had the police in 2 states involved, but nothing could be done without hard evidence.

She went after the owners of SI. She filed complaints with the IRS and Better Business Bureau because she had given donations to the site, and felt she had been duped. This woman was (and is) not all there. I had no idea.

I later found out through background investigations that she had been convicted in the past of criminal trespass and harassment. She also had stalked another SI member, driving 3 states away from where she lived to interrogate his neighbors, and to spy on his comings and goings from his own home.

When I was asked by the owners of SI about the nature of my relationship with this member, I lied. I did not confess the affair.

This is what they are SO angry about. They somehow feel that if I had told them it would have made some difference. As if I am responsible for the insane behavior of this person. I may have triggered it, but she was and is solely responsible for the resulting behavior. Whether or not I slept with her has no bearing on the responsibility for HER actions against others.

The owners of the site saw fit to ban me when I confessed this affair recently, on the boards.

And they had every right to. Not arguing that for a minute.

What followed however is reprehensible.

A member of that board recently posted that they missed me on the board. And that they didn't care if they got "in trouble" for saying so.

Well, trouble was an understatement.

The owner of the site took this opportunity to "explain" my banning and characterize me falsely and very harshly, in order to paint me in the very worst possible light. To insure that the loyal followers would now view me as someone who was completely disingenuous. And they did this by outright lies, and carefully chosen words that would paint me as an object of derision to be focused upon by the membership.

They claimed that they had to revamp an entire forum and change the rules of it, SOLELY because of my conduct. While I was one of many who in that forum who were scolded for being to racy, too much sexual innuendo (It was the "Dating" forum, for single and divorced people). There were many "offenders", and they roundly chastised virtually everyone in there with broad, sweeping statements about the people in it. I was nowhere near the sole reason. That is objectifying me as an object for people to focus on.

I was told in a Private Message from the site owners before my banning that "You violated practically every guideline on this site.."

The sniff test here doesn't wash. If I had been so egregious all those years ago, why didn't they just ban me then? It makes no sense at all. If I had been such trouble, then by all rights, they would have just shit-canned me then and there. Years ago, when they made those changes.

The other claim they made was that I exploited people and the site for my own validation, and used the term that I "bedded" 3 women from that site. It is very telling about the choice of words people use. They wanted maximum impact, and to tell a group of people there for healing from infidelity that I "bedded" 3 women is a carefully chosen way to insure to fire off triggers and anger in people faced with their wife or husband having "bedded" their affair partner. You take a group of people who are there healing from that, and use the catchword to inspire their wrath.

They could have said, "he had one affair which he confessed and then 2 long-term relationships" which is true. However, much stronger impact if you say what they did.

What followed from their official pronouncement was for members to extrapolate that to saying I preyed upon lonely betrayed spouses. That I was there for only my self-validation. For people to prey upon. I was then derided as a predator. They allowed anyone and everyone to have a say. And that is normally a good thing. But this was about a member who could no longer respond. So, the owners sat back and enjoyed the show. And when someone stuck their head in to question what they were doing, they were banned on the spot.

This is mob mentality, and an abuse of their power. There is no need to go to these lengths, unless you are looking for validation, support, and a bit of revenge.

The whole thing is ludicrous.

I had 2 relationships with members from that site.

Both long term. Both with CURRENT upstanding members of that site. I will not name them here, because if I do that publicly, they will almost certainly get banned. Even though the owners and mods KNOW of this, and have for YEARS.

One was with a woman who became friends with me in late 2005 and early 2006. That Summer, we started dating. Long distance. It lasted 8 months. She broke it off at the end of the year. We are still VERY good friends. My daughter and I had lunch with her not 2 months ago. I saw her less than two weeks ago. We shared a lunch, and hugs. And we talk fairly regularly.

The other person was and is a long-term member with a stellar reputation, who is widely regarded and respected on the site. She asked ME out in the Summer of 2007. This was also long distance. We dated for 15 months. I ended the relationship at that time. We are still friends, off the boards.

So, lets ask these 2 women. Did I prey on them? Did I "bed" them? I have a feeling their answer would be contrary to the owners and mods proclamations.

I have had no other involvement with members of that site.

In the interim, in the early Spring of 2007, I had a relationship that lasted a few months with a woman who lived in my townhouse complex. That is the extend of my involvement with women during the years on SI.

To reiterate. The mods and owners were aware of both relationships. They (the relationships) were kept off the boards for the most part, during the entire time. Neither participant in the relationship was banned.

To say I exploited people and preyed on them is the worst sort of slander. And the owners fueled the fire with their explanation, and then let the rest of the mob say whatever they wanted, true or not. Without me being able to say a single word in response. They are simply SO angry that I lied about the nature of the affair with the other member, that they are now on a campaign to not expose that (I already did that in my confession post), but to now try to rally support by painting me as the very worst possible human being.

It is revenge. Pure and simple. And being punch drunk with power. They couldn't stand it when someone said they missed seeing me on the boards.

They can say whatever they want. And I have no way of rebutting it. Or of even offering my side of the story.

No better way than to silence, and then to incite and encourage slander. And the loyal followers will thank them for the service they provide. Believe every word as if it were gospel, and worship them as if they are infallible.

Too bad.

They have maligned me in a way that was not necessary for their cause. Encouraged others by doing so to have at me with no ability to respond. There were two choices the mods and owners had when someone posted about me.

All they had to do was say that I was no longer a member for violating the rules, and then lock the thread. That ends the discussion, and allows things to fade away. For them as much as anyone.

But that wasn't good enough.

They needed a pound of flesh, and what better way than to incite the mob with false characterizations of a man who on the face appeared to be kind, caring and benevolent. Who helped countless people over the years there. Who was by no means perfect, but who was a good soul, and tried all he could to do the right thing, after doing wrong.

So, they created a campaign of discrediting and disinformation, and encouraged the mob to get in a few good shots.

And when someone, well respected on the site, called them on their behavior?

They not only mocked and ridiculed her. They BANNED her. Just like that.

Don't dare speak against the rulers. They will smite you.

And they did.

I know what I've done wrong in this life. And I've aired it all out, for public consumption.

But what they have done?

Is betray the trust of everyone on that board, in a way far worse than my affair in 2005 with a member of the site.

They lied by omission. They fabricated and falsely characterized . They did so to manipulate a membership who trusts them to have a safe place to post.

But it isn't safe, is it? Not when you can't trust the owners and moderators...

To tell the TRUTH.