Yeah, I am.
After years. Decades even. Of being told I wasn't. Of watching so many walk away.
I am good enough.
In business. After a long hard slog, I finally have a new job. A new gig. Good rate. Great income. A new chance at a life.
But what resounds in my head through all of this, is how I go it alone.
So many. SO many women who have either flirted with me or admired me from afar were and are unable to be my partner.
They just can't do it. They have a million excuses. They have other men, more convenient to them. Better suited.
Your loss.
I am going to make it. In a little over 2 years, I get a great pension. I will be living in God's territory, doing what I love.
And so many will have passed on the opportunity.
To be a part of my future.
I go it alone.
As it was meant to be.
For what could have been, I will hold a funeral pyre.
For those dreams left to be someone else's, I will burn it down.
But in the end I will be free.
And alone.
Not because I chose this path.
But because you did.
Oh, you want to join me? Really?
Willing to go the distance?
Willing to risk it all to win?
Nah, you won't.
Because nobody out there has either the guts or the vision to see what could be theirs.
What a shame.
What you could have had. ..
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I hear ya. I've been "going it" alone for 19 years. A few years back I made peace with it and realize that it really is my destiny. If I happen to stumple upon someone who wants me for who I am, 100%, well, then. But I doubt it will happen. People are cowards...
ReplyDeleteI have also the feeling of never being good enough... We have all been dealt a bad hand at some point or another. Some by the choices we make and some from just plain luck. Some worse then others. But painful nonetheless. Is it really that we can't go the distance or that you make it impossible... Think about it?Are you attentive, loving willing to go that extra mile...We hurt and have been hurt also!! or do you dwell on your past, always crying the poor me story... Full of hopelessness and negativity... is that the life you are offering? At this point in life most women want drama free! They want a man who is equally as giving! Strong and supportive a giver not only a taker...Enjoying every moment with there special someone. Equally leaning on each other for support.... I'm not negating your pain, I'm sure its real. But believe me its not only you!
ReplyDeleteOh, I never believed I was alone. I have met far too many people in this same boat. Many now are fellow friends that I shoot with at the refuge. And yes, I sometimes wallow in negativity, because it is so hard to overcome this lot I have.
ReplyDeleteBut people who know me. Who meet me. Who see me, know that this is not what I offer. It is because of the pain that I lament, and I post here about those feelings. But my eyes are bright, my smile big, and my hugs warm and filled with life.
I offer love. Companionship. A huge heart. And a wonderful future. I have gone that extra mile. I have given all for someone I loved. And then some. And there is still more in the well.