Just who am I?

I've been writing a lot lately, both here and on the other board I belong to. And maybe that's good.

I plan on spending almost a month at the cabin to work on this book. The title of this blog, after all.

And I've been learning more and more about who I am. And starting to understand the what and the why of what I do, what I say, and what I feel.

I think I can finally sum it up and make some sense out of it.

I will never come completely to peace with the loss of the life I wanted. Not what I had...but what I dreamed of.

A family. Growing old together. Having the kids come and visit our happy home. All the lost time during their childhood puts an exclamation point on not only the future that was not to be, but a past that never was.

I have found strength in my moments of weakness.

I have found friends who love me who have never seen me, face to face.

I've rediscovered a passion for nature and photography.

And I have really learned how to write about what I feel.

So, those are gifts born of pain and loss.

Things I should not take for granted.

And I won't.

But what is so very important to understand, if you care to know this man behind this blog and these words (and the book), is that I am a man who has endured a constant assault of lies, betrayals, abuse. Loss of family, finances and career. Stress and conflict. Legal battles. And it was unending. And for years on end.

I am not special. I am not on the same level as a Holocaust survivor.

But I hurt just the same.

And so do many of you out there.

And I want to give voice to that. And I want to show what is possible, despite it.

And to find the beautiful. The glorious. The amazing. In nature.

And in so doing, save myself and heal my soul, while showing others that you can do more with your life. You can find something good, even when the rest of it is bearing down on you like an avalanche.

I don't know that there will ever be a happy ending in my life.

But I do know that I am going to steal all that I can from this life and make it mine while I can.

And so should you.

Because you only get one shot at this.