You need to move on.

I have heard this refrain many times.

Stop lamenting what you have lost, and move on and make a life for yourself.

And I am. And I push forward harder and with more intensity than I have ever mustered, against all odds.

But you can't take 30 years of a man's life and erase it.

What I am trying to do, and I see it coming together, hopefully soon.

This is like rebirth. It hurts like hell. I pour endless tears over memories and dreams I once had.

I write through the tears. The viewfinder of my camera.

I see, I capture. I experience. I learn.

And I work harder and harder to get the most amazing photographs. And to learn.

I'm running away from the painful past with my eyes always in the rear view mirror.

Sooner or later, I will reach that point where the roads intersect.

Where I can take the road ahead and make it mine. And leave the past not gone, but more distant.

My dreams of a life I wanted are not dying easily.

And with each shot I take. With each word I write.

I try to build something new.

While watching the rest of what I once dreamed of and loved die.

My pain and loss fuels what I do now.

There can't be one without the other.

To me it's like living on the border between heaven and hell.

And I know all too well that hell follows, and heaven awaits.