Today I started the day with a 2 hour conversation with my father.
We sat at the kitchen table talking about life, and struggle and loss. And what me might do to make it in this world.
We are facing times so hard that the end result could be he and I on the street living out of our cars. Having to lose all and what little we have left.
But we talked about hope.
About struggle.
About love.
About mattering in this world.
But what we came to understand from our long talk was simple.
For people like he and I, there is nobody waiting in the wings to really help us.
We get platitudes. We get that people care.
And they send us their best wishes. And they wish us well.
As we spiral into hell, about to lose it all.
My dad and I combined are brilliant. Hard working. Creative. Intelligent. Incredibly capable.
And nobody cares about that.
We so far have been unable to do anything which can do what we need to do. Get a solid income to sustain us, so we can live.
And I do mean LIVE. Buy food. Keep a roof over our heads. Be able to drive a car. Afford gasoline. Pay the bills.
We try like hell, and we have great friends. And they all see us for who we are. And they wish us well.
As we descend into hell. With nothing to stop the descent.
And so it will be.
In my estimation?
We aren't going to make it.
We will lose.
Why?
Because all of those who love us and care about us do so from a safe distance. And they will let us lose it all. And they will feel sorry for us. And they will offer us platitudes and prayers and good wishes.
And we will both spiral into hell, and die.
And then those same people will say what nice people we were. And what a shame it was.
And then go to out to dinner with their family. And thank God they aren't like us.
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Eric,
ReplyDeleteI think it was probably as painful for me to read this as it was for you to write it.
Yes, It is very true that I am at a safe distance, and that I am your friend, but I will still continue to pray for you. If I were wealthy and could help you and your father, you know I would do it in a heartbeat. Never give up hope that things will turn around and you and your father will become financially stable. Miracles can and do happen, although I know it is hard to believe that when times are rough. Life is unfair a lot of the time, and it can also be incredibly cruel. But never give up Eric.
You and your father are wonderful people Eric, and I would never, ever thank God that I am not like either of you. As a matter of fact I'd be very proud to be like either of you.
Yes, I will pray, and offer good wishes, and I'll never stop doing that Eric, because I do care. More than words can say.
Many Hugs,
Tina