How I feel today...

Taken from an exchange I had with a friend....

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I know you had your trials and tribulations. And I don't mean to minimize that. At all.

But what I have lost cannot be regained. And in addition to the loss of the marriage, the infidelity and all of that....I lost everything worldly. Home, money, job, career, finances.

And I cannot begin to describe how that affects you.

Not only did I take the hit for the affairs and divorce, but I am now an indentured servant to the one who destroyed me.

I alternate between feeling helpless, and wanting to be the avenging angel of death.

There is precious little hope for me and my life.

I have no capacity to turn things around and become well off, or even be able to meet my alimony needs.

So long as my ex lives, she will kill me, slowly, every single day.

I know that I cannot win. It will take a miracle. And that is not coming.

Things will not change for me.

Even my good friend Royce told me.

"You are like Job".

And he was right.

My faith has been tested to the breaking point.

I bide my time. And each day that goes by I realize that I cannot seem to clear the hurdle.

No matter what.

I will be alone.

I will never have any money

I will be a slave to my ex as long as she lives.

All I can do. And I do mean ALL. Is steal the time I have to do what I love while I can.

Sooner or later, it all ends.

And it won't be a success story.

It will be an obituary.