If you look at my Facebook page.
If you glance at my websites.
If you go to my Flickr site.
You will find thousands of images.
And virtually no people.
As I visited friends photo albums tonight, what I saw so very starkly...
Is that I am not a part of the normal world anymore.
And I am so very alone.
I saw so many wonderful shots of families and friends, loved ones and good times.
Countless smiles. Silly shots. Laughing, having fun.
I have no friends in real life. Nobody who can visit me. Or I visit them.
My phone is silent.
I have 1400 minutes on my cell phone plan. I think in July I used 53. Those were from either my dad, or my daughter, or my ex wife, or bill collectors.
While I have been at the lake cabin these last few weeks, I made it a point to make many trips to town. Why? To see and talk with and mingle with people at the grocery and liquor stores. For those 10 or 15 minutes, I actually got to speak to other human beings.
When you look at my many thousands of photos, all you see is what I see.
I see the birds, the insects, the reptiles, and the scenery. The trees, the sunrise, the sunset, the lake and the woods.
You'll even see photos of some of my meals.
Enjoyed alone.
It hit me tonight.
Just how alone I am in this world.
How different my life is from virtually all of my friends online.
In their lives, there are people. People who matter to them, and for whom they matter.
For me, there are only fleeting glimpses.
Because, that is all there is.
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After I allowed the courts to take away my kids I started living alone. This past weekend I spoke to only three people. On Monday the only person I talked to all day was my boss at work. You are not alone in living a life mostly alone.
ReplyDeleteE, thanks for that comment. And I am sorry that you find yourself in the same kind of life. I know I am not alone, in being alone. The sad fact of that is that without things like the internet and electronic media, I (we?) would be so isolated that it would probably drive us to despair.
ReplyDeleteBut one thing I cannot get over is how much I miss human contact. I find myself energized and so much happier even after just chatting 5 minutes with the woman at the counter in the liquor store.