And I am here, still waiting....

Today I pack up my photos, for show and sale, to attend a wonderful event at the Lighthouse Center (The Natural Resource Education Foundation of New Jersey) in Waretown, NJ.

I spent yesterday and early this morning, printing.

I also spent yesterday waiting for word on my father's condition. He is in Deborah hospital, with heart issues.

To say this life has been filled with strange and sudden twists and turns is such a gross understatement.

I hold on.

I hold on to the birds. To my photography. To my love of nature. And my dreams.

This world has become so strange to me that I cannot describe.

5 years ago, I lost my marriage. My wife. My intact family. My house. And everything else.

I have been wandering this world for the last years wondering just where the hell I am going.

And you know, I don't know. I truly don't.

My mother's ashes sit on the mantle in the home I now live in.

My father sits in a hospital bed.

My ex wife prepares for Christmas at her house, with our children, and her boyfriend.

I have not been able to fully wrap my head around all of this.

I used to be someone that thought that I could have power over my destiny and my future.

That to persevere, to work harder, to try harder, meant I stood a better chance at "success".

Whatever the hell that means.

Now, all I can do is surrender.

Whatever comes, will come.

And I have no power over it.

I'm holding on.

With a broken heart.

That's still beating.