A good friend has helped me to see and understand. That the universe, the forces around us, try to show us things. That there is a path we can choose and take, that will lead to happiness and peace in our lives. That it is possible. But sometimes the lessons are to be learned the hard way. Sometimes the way is not clear. Not easy to understand.
I know this.
In my heart, what has always brought me joy was being part of the natural world. Exploring. Learning. Observing. Now, using my cameras, to capture the scenes, the animals, the wildlife that is so captivating to me.
I know also, that being at our lake cabin in the woods and mountains of NY State brings me great peace and joy. I feel as if I belong there.
But this world seemingly, and to this point, has little use for the likes of me.
In order to survive, I need income. A good salary. To meet obligations to my ex wife (alimony) and to be able to afford a place to live.
As of yet, I am unable to see how doing what I love can get me there. But I haven't given up.
I have 2 job interviews next week for positions in my old field. Information Technology.
I worked in that field for 30 years.
I don't enjoy it. I don't even care about it. It brings me no joy. And I could hardly care less. It is just a job. A means toward an end. But it would take all of my time. And my photography, and my joy, would soon disappear.
So I face these apparent choices.
Try like hell to get one of those good jobs. Make money. Afford a place to live.
And give up what I love, what brings me peace and joy. Give up the time at the cabin at the lake.
What a choice.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Perhaps you don't have to do that, or do something that will not make you lose the time at the lake and photographing. Maybe doing some contract work again as designer or something like that? But I guess it isn't a stable income, sigh.. I recently found a strength to make a small level for 20 brush level design contest and I scored a second place at the contest at UT section, which really surprised me, given that I noticed the contest too late and had only 4 days to make it and I chose the harder path, make singleplayer level instead of DM and nobody else did the same.
ReplyDeleteThat's awesome, Leo! Congratulations! I am so far removed now from the games industry, that I doubt I could even compete as a level designer. I don't have any 3DS Max experience. And you now need to be a modeler to make levels for games.
ReplyDeleteI won't give up. I will just see what comes.
Thank you, I will perhaps make an enhanced version since the contest ended later, with more rooms and stuff. The level is called Scorched Castle, I used an unused texture package found in the missionpack which obviously comes from earlier developement of Unreal, because the screenshots from 96 and 97 used that texture set obviously (I would like to play the original maps where it was used though), I recorded a video of Unreal version here:
ReplyDeletehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zd0hmXxr2nU
You don't have to be a modeller necesary, unreal engine 3 for example allows even bsp to be converted to meshes and you can just use the assets other give you and you still can make it a BSP base, or even a completely BSP level, there were such ones, even at this contest for UT3 and UDK. But most of games do require that sadly, the modelling skills, I don't have modelling skills either apart some basics.