The Job Interview.

let me tell you a story. A story that seems very relevant now, as my dad sits in a hospital bed, awaiting major open heart surgery.

Back a couple years ago, after losing my job at the time, I had connections and a second interview lined up.

I was to meet with an old business associate now with Dell Computers, and his boss, at a restaurant in West Jersey.

It seemed like this would seal the deal. If I aced this, I was in.

The day before the interview.

My mother died.

I went to the interview. Tears in my eyes the entire time.

I aced it. I was awesome. Where I found the strength I have no idea.

I drove home. Tears streaming the whole way home.

I never got the job.

They froze hiring the next day, and then it was gone.

I pulled myself up and out, and managed to give my best, under the very worst of circumstances.

And I know now, that I was not meant to have that job.

I sit here tonight, after almost a year of being unemployed.

Suddenly, I have two contacts and leads for possible good jobs.

My dad needs a triple bypass and an oblation.

His surgery is any day now.

I worry about him.

I worry about me.

His future.

My future.

All hanging in the balance.

And under the worst of circumstances, I have to try to be at my best.

I have been tested. Over and over again.

And I am starting to wonder.

Is this the life I must lead? Must I do everything when things are at their worst?

I need to impress prospective employers of my competence and experience.

While my heart is in tatters, while my world falls apart. While the stress level reaches is maximum.

I am SO very tired of this struggle.

If something ever came easy to me, I would faint from the sheer shock of it.