Test me.

Yeah, go for it.

Is there nothing that I won't have to try to deal with? I sometimes wonder.

While i waver and sometimes flail under the strain, I keep having to rally whatever the hell is inside of me to deal with all sorts of stress. Usually all at once.

Tonight, I visited my dad, who goes for a life-saving quadruple bypass open heart procedure. Tomorrow.

At the same time, I was called upon by my incredible and wonderful daughter, because she needed support and someone to listen to her. There had been an emotional and difficult issue at home with her mom and her brother. And she wanted someone there to just listen to her.

So, I dug down deep and found that reserve. To listen, to care, to advise when I thought it was a good idea.

I am sitting here tonight, dealing with an almost overwhelming sense of emotion, and so little power.

I can do nothing to help my dad. But I love him and worry about him.

I can do some to help my daughter, but her life is in her hands. She is a young woman. An adult. I try to be what I can for her.

My unemployment runs out next week.

There is no job.

There is no more money.

The stress is overwhelming.

I have no idea what I am going to do. Or how I will survive. Or what will come.

I sit here tonight completely at the mercy of the fates. Of god, in whatever form.

Helpless, powerless and alone.

I am hanging on by a thread.

But, make no mistake. I am still holding on.

Whatever comes will come. And I am powerless to stop it.