Lessons

When I was young, I dreamed of a life among nature. I wanted to be a park ranger, or an explorer, or a biologist, in the field. I would gaze at the heavens through a telescope. One I bought from Edmund Scientific. I saved 5 dollars per week mowing the neighbor's lawn, until I had the $115.00 for the 4.25 inch reflector.

I later bought a Nikkormat FT3 SLR, and took photos with it. Some through the telescope.

I loved nature. I loved to explore and learn.

When I got older, I decided that I needed to get a good paying job.

So I did.

Then I met someone, and I got married.

I worked hard at the good job, and was able to eventually afford to raise a family, and buy a home.

I did not like my job. But I was good at it.

Later on, when I was older, I was making more money. So, we got a better house. And again, I wanted to turn this beautiful home and property into something that was a celebration of nature.

I planted 10's of thousands of dollars worth of gorgeous trees. Thousands of bulbs. 200 different species of perennials. I had 5 different species of flowering Magnolia trees alone. A Koi pond. Beautiful paver walks and patios. I worked as hard as I could to make a nature preserve from my 1 acre lot. And to bring the outdoors in, in our gorgeous new home. I hung wind chimes. Bird feeders. It was heaven...or so I thought it would be.

It was all for nothing.

My heart knew to follow a path, but instead of doing so, I tried to compromise and create that path for myself. And I learned a terrible lesson.

I lost all of it. And in what seemed like a fraction of a second, it was all gone.

My love of nature and the outdoors, of wildlife and the birds, never waned.

What I should have done all along?

Was to follow all the signs I had when I was younger. And forsaken the good paying job. I should have followed my love and my passions.

I had the American dream. An attractive and sexy wife. 2 wonderful kids. A nice home, on a gorgeous lot. A great job with a Fortune 50 company.

And then. All at once.

It was gone.

And I learned.

The trappings of that life mean nothing. And they can be gone in an instant.

What I learned over the next few years, was that the most valuable things in this world are this.

The ones you love and those who love you.

And time.

Time to see. To hear. To feel. Time to learn. Time to slow down and take it all in.

Today I am working to see what path I need to take next. But it is finally understood.

I am not an IT guru who wants to work for some mega corporation.

I am a naturalist. An explorer. A photographer. An observer.

That is where I belong.

It took me over 35 years to realize.

The path I need to follow.

The rest of that world I leave behind was without meaning. It was simply a means toward an end in a world that has forgotten why we are here. And what it means to be part of the living world we share with those creatures that we deem less than we.

If we only knew.